Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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