My brain says no but my pants say off.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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