You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
