some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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