listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's like iHOP with fire
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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