i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
