My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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