you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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