Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
