omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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