I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
