You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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