So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
whose parrot is this?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
