Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
