no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
