vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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