fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
