i already hear my dad disowning me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
