You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
