What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
