So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
