Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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