dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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