I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
