i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
