he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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