If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
