My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
