redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
