i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
