I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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