first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
