I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
