Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
