i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
