I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
