Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
