she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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