there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you win again, gameday.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
