thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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