fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
