Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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