I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
