dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
