she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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