She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think my moral compass just broke
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
