honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
