I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
