I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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