I just made out with a guy for $7.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
