we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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