i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You are the jesus of drinking
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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