Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
